The Art of the Sag

Dear English Answer Man:
Why is that you hardly ever see adults sagging their pants?
--anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
There are two fundamental reasons why you don't see adults sagging their pants. The first has to do with aging and gaining weight. In fact, you may notice that the older we get, the higher we wear our pants. For example, I saw a gentleman just yesterday whose pants were pulled up so high he could have reached over his left shoulder to grab his wallet. The sad fact is that most people gain weight as they get older, and the bigger our bellies get, the more dificult it is to sag pants without having them fall down around our ankles.

The second reason is that it actually takes talent and coordination to walk while sagging the pants below the buttocks. The side-to-side waddle used by most accomplished saggers can take years of practice to master. Experts of the sag will even place a hand near the pocket as they walk, which looks quite natural, and it serves as a last-minute safety in case the waddle fails. Many novices will hone their talent by wearing gym shorts or sweat pants (training pants) below their jeans, just in case they lose the rhythm and pants fall by the wayside. This is the case with one of my neighbor's young friends. Hopefully, he will soon reach the advanced stage where training pants are no longer required.

Most adults, however, don't want to risk the potential embarrassment of losing their shorts in a public place, so they simply resort to wearing pants that actually match their waist measurement. Unfortunately, this is quite lazy, and it demonstrates that many adults are simply unwilling to take risks and learn new talents later in life.