How to Survive a Mosh Pit

You're trapped in a dark room, shoulder to shoulder in a sea of strangers. An ear splitting screech pierces the room, the heat is suffocating, and suddenly a fat man is resting a sweaty armpit on your face.

You are about to encounter a mosh pit.

Whether you get trampled, punched in the face, or escorted from the premises in an ambulance all depends on how well you pay attention to the next several paragraphs. I'm about to tell you how to survive in the pit.


In or Out?
If a pit breaks out, and you find yourself lookie-looing from the edge, chances are some meathead is going to toss you in against your will. If you would rather not participate, put at least three layers of human bodies between you and the pit. Curiosity got the better of you? Read on.

Mind Your Manners
What does a mosh pit at a punk rock show have in common with a dinner party? Etiquette, my friend. The "unwritten rules" of how to behave, as it were. A circle pit might look like chaos unleashed, but if you want to survive, you need to show some manners. You can push, shove, and dance like a maniac in a circle--you can even put your arm around a complete stranger and skip around throwing forearms into people large and small. But you don't punch, kick, or deliberately go after a single person just to cause harm. Distribute beatings evenly, and if you knock someone down, help them up quickly. At the end of the night, you might have a new friend.

Secure Your Valuables
Watches, wallets, jewelry, even shoes are commonly swallowed up by the jaws of a circle pit. At a particularly violent show, I even had a water pouch ripped right our of my hydration backpack. Years ago I'd secure my wallet with a chain, but most of the time the security search will confiscate heavy metals. Side note: I once saw a guy with a wallet chain bump into a large bald man's girlfriend. The bald man grabbed the chain, ripped chain and wallet from the unfortunate young soul, and sent his wallet and chain soaring through the crowd. It was never seen again.

Protect Vulnerable Regions
You're going to take a beating, so it stands to reason that you should pay attention. A decade ago I was observing a show from the fringes of a pit, when out of the darkness a fist/elbow/tooth/forehead struck me in the face. A large chunk of my lip separated from the rest of my mouth, and the blood spatter began. My lip still isn't the same (the only doctor in the ER at that hour of the night wasn't a real doctor. She got to practice her unfortunate stitching skills on my face).

Control Your Rage
Some people aren't used to being shoved by a total stranger, and if you can't deal with this inconvenience, avoid circle pits. Some people don't like the cold, so they don't snowboard.  Some unfortunate souls fail to realize this simple truth, and after getting knocked to floor by a sturdy music lover, these people will rise from the floor ready to throw blows. But it's not a fight, and no harm was meant. Throwing punches in this situation will get you escorted out by security, and that's a best case scenario. Worst case is that scores of sweaty buff guys (and some scrawny ones too) will notice your breach of pit etiquette, and they'll send you on your way with a nice sound beating.
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Go ahead and let out your aggression: smash into some bodies, knock down the biggest guy in the room, but DO NOT punch, kick, or engage in rage against a particular individual. It's nothing personal if you get knocked to your back. Take a hand up and enjoy the music, otherwise you'll wind up with a severe thrashing and a security escort back to your vehicle. And there are no refunds, my hot-tempered friend.

Aside from the sweaty hairy armpits, a circle pit can be a ton of fun. If a song has ever made you want to jump, scream, and thrash around in a frenzy of semi-controlled aggression, you might want to enjoy a round or two. It sounds uncivilized, and perhaps it is. But there are rules even in the midst of anarchy, at least if you want to survive.

Now shove that fat guy's sweaty pit off your head, pick someone up off the floor, and go make some friends.

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I Will Survive

Survive

For our last formal blogging assignment of this year, you will explain how to survive. That's right students, we must become cockroaches, and explain how to survive anything. Just like our ancient insect friend, we will show for our readers how to outlive and outlast anything. Let me explain.

This assignment is adapted from Kelly Gallagher's book Write Like This. It is called "How to Survive_____________." You pick the topic (it should be something you know quite a bit about). You will introduce the topic, break it out into 5 or more steps, and then write an in-depth explanation of each step. You're going to need to go into extreme detail, and show off your writing style while you're at it. Have some fun, be serious, sarcastic, funny, or a combination of any of those.

Here are the exact directions:

1. introduce the topic
2. at least 5 steps of how to survive
3. a detailed explanation of each step
4. conclusion/wrap-up

Check out this example from Gallagher's book. He took it from the magazine Popular Mechanics. It's called "How to Survive a Riot in a Strange City." Here are the steps:

1. Stay indoors and to the radio or TV
2. Determine the best route to the airport or embassy
3. Exit away from guns or mobs
4. Leave as a group
5. Do not run
6. Drive on back streets.

If this was your topic, you would write a detailed explanation of how to complete each step.

Remember, you need:

1. introduce the topic
2. at least 5 steps of how to survive
3. a detailed explanation of each step
4. conclusion/wrap-up

Sample Topics:
Have no fear; I will post a completed example very soon. For now here is a list of past topics:

• ·         A riot in a strange city
• ·         Disneyland
• ·         Junior High
• ·         College
• ·         A road trip
• ·         Mr./Mrs. ______________ ’s class
• ·         A concert
• ·         A mosh pit
• ·         Having 4 siblings
• ·         Being an only child
• ·         Teaching junior high
• ·         Freshman year of high school
• ·         A zombie apocalypse
• ·         Downtown LA
• ·         Algebra
• ·         Sharing a house with a newborn baby

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Attention Saturday School:

Directions: Go to choosemyplate.gov and answer the following questions on your own paper.

This explanation is a good place to start.  

1. What kinds of foods are whole grains?
2. What kinds of foods are considered dairy?
3. What types of foods are not whole grains?
4. What types of foods are proteins?
5. What types of foods are “empty calories”?
6. What types of foods have lots of “oils” in them?
7. To the best of your memory, list all of the foods you ate yesterday. If you need to fill some of them in with foods you usually eat, that’s fine. Next to each food, label it  whole grain, protein, fats, fruits, vegetables, or empty calories. If it’s a combination, write which categories it has.
8. What are some tips for healthy eating when you eat out?
9. List the tips  you follow:
10. How does your diet compare to the guidelines on the MyPlate?
11. What keeps you from eating a better diet? (6 sentences)
12. What can you do to eat a healthier diet? (4-6 sentences)

Group Work: Awesome or Awful?

I have been hearing some HILARIOUS true stories about group work and group projects from both of my little brothers. It got me to thinking about group work, and I have to say that most teachers probably think group work is the best thing to happen to school since the eraser cap, especially in college. If we want to feel extra special about ourselves, we call it "collaboration."

Not everyone likes group work. Some say it's a waste of time, or that it's unfair because one person usually does all the work (that's what my wife says). In college, students have to schedule meetings outside of class, and apparently that's just too much for some people to handle.

What do you think? Is group work the golden egg of education, or is it a big fat waste of time?

Write up your thoughts on your own blog.  Of course you can use your own experience, but you will also need to visit a few outside sources to get some direct quotes/evidence to back up your opinion. I say the more amusing the better.

You are always welcome to leave a comment below.

Is Lowering the Drinking Age a Good Idea?

 The drinking age is something that gets a lot of people emotional, for good reason too. This article in the LA Times does a good job of summarizing both sides, and it even has specific arguments from two experts. Some people think that lowering the age to 18 would be a good idea, because we could start educating future drinkers, and then there would be fewer alcohol-related problems. They say that what we are doing now isn’t working. Others say, however, that drinking has gone down since the age has been 21, and we shouldn’t fix what isn’t broken. Lowering the age to 18 might be a good idea, but only for those individuals who are willing to take classes and get a permit.

As an educator, I have a soft spot for any plan that involves teaching people something useful. You're 18 and you want to drink? Fine. Take a class. Get educated. Get a permit. If you are willing to take the time to learn, I have no problem with a conditional "learner's permit." I am willing to bet that plenty of 18 year-olds would line up for a chance to drink, and most of them would deal with the inconvenience of a class. That means we would have that many more students who are educated on the use an misuse of alcohol, and that can't be a bad thing.

In the Times article, sociologist David J. Hanson argues that prohibiting alcohol has the effect of pushing teens to drink in dangerous, uncontrolled environments like fraternity houses and wild college parties. While I don't agree that lowering the drinking age would solve this problem, any plan that involves educating large numbers of students is better than simply making a rule and hoping the problem goes away.

The fact remains that large numbers of young people are uneducated and out of control when it comes to alcohol consumption. Whether they are 18, 19, 20, or 21, the problem still remains. Lowering the drinking age and connecting it to permits and education offers a potential solution.

James C. Fell, senior program director at the Alcohol, Policy and Safety Research Center of the Pacific Institute for Research & Evaluation in Calverton, Md. says he doesn't have a problem with education, but that it shouldn't be tied to lowering the age. That's fine, but if you remove the lower age, you've taken away a huge incentive to actually get young adults interested in alcohol education. Without the incentive, you have less people becoming educated, and unfortunately the problems with alcohol abuse will probably remain the same.

At the end of the day, I really could care less if 18 year-olds have to wait until they are 21 to drink. Most of the arguments I've heard in favor of lowering the age are ridiculous anyway. However, if we really believe that education is the key to reducing problems with alcohol abuse, it would be a good idea to explore any option that gives us that opportunity.

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Propaganda Analysis

See the example below for a model when writing your analysis.

Title:The Whip of Mankind

Description of the Propaganda
In this poster, a large red-faced man is holding an upraised whip over thousands of people as they wander over the globe. He has a large nose, he is fat, and his hair stems from his skull like horns. The entire poster is deep red, and the people are hunched beneath his whip, waiting for it to strike. The only humans you can see clearly are a woman with a baby, a child, and man huddled together. The look on the man’s face is angry, cruel, and he almost appears to be enjoying what he is doing. The caption at the bottom of the poster states that Jews are “the whip of all mankind.”  

Message
The message of this poster is that Jews are inflicting pain, anguish, and slavery to people all over the world. This is obvious because the people are hunched over and suffering, while the Jewish man appears fat and strong as he whips the rest of them into submission. The rounded surface on which the people are walking has the curvature of a globe, and that clearly symbolizes how these people represent individuals from all over the world. The poster goes even further with its accusations against Jews: The deep red of the entire poster, combined with the red-faced and horned whip holder provokes images of hell, and Satan. The connection is obvious: Jews are shown equated with the worst evil known to mankind.

Propaganda Technique #1: Repetition
There are two key features of Nazi propaganda repeated in this poster. The first is the presentation of Jews as being fat and large-nosed. Even though the central message of the poster has nothing to do with these features, the artist nevertheless is sure to make the large, grotesque-faced individual the main focus of the poster. The second feature repeated in this poster is the idea that Jews are somehow bent on world domination. One poster from a previous post shows a Jewish spider spreading its web over Europe, while another poster focuses on a hideous octopus encircling the planet with dripping tentacles. Now, in this poster, a Jew is poised above the planet, seeking to whip it into submission. The repetition is unmistakable.

 Propaganda Technique #2: Make It Big, and Make It Simple
I will admit that I am combining two techniques here, but they function as a pair, as you will see. The simplicity of the message of this poster is evident by its caption: "The whip of mankind." That's it. It's easy to understand, and it doesn't even require a full sentence. A child would be able to read this poster and make sense of the message. But part of the simplicity of the message is that the viewer does not need to think critically about ANY issues. Who is the Jew against? ALL OF MANKIND, according to the poster.

There is no room for alternative opinions or perspectives. Jews are oppressors, and they oppress everyone. Period. The scope of this statement is huge, and that is part of what makes it so easy to understand. It's also what makes propaganda so effective, and that is a truly frightening thought, especially when one reflects on the atrocities the Nazis brought upon a huge portion of our planet, and the Jewish people in particular.

Photo: Taken from The Holocaust Chronicle (picture from my mobile phone)

Is Extra Credit a Good Thing?

Sometimes extra credit makes me angry. Am I justified in my irritation, or am I being an oversensitive veal medallion?

Here is the problem: Many students have come to perceive extra credit as "instead of" credit. For example, take my student Joe Smith. Mr. Smith hasn't been doing his work. When he has, it's because I dragged him into my classroom after school and made him complete his assignments. Mr. Smith approached me after school one day and asked if there was any extra credit he could do to bring up his grade.

"Mr. Smith, you need to have all of your assignments completed before I even consider allowing you near the magical land of extra credit. Hey, by the way, you haven't turned in the assignment due next Thursday. That will be a perfect start!"

Mr. Smith replied, "No, um, what I meant was do you have any big projects or something I can do to bring up my grade all at once."

English Answer Man choked back a laugh, but he was so amused he couldn't keep the small globule of green snot from spurting out of his large left nostril. "Oops, sorry about that. Go ahead and take a seat, and finish that missing assignment."

Mr. Smith appeared perplexed. "You mean right now?"

"Now's the perfect time, my man. It's only six sentences that you're missing anyway."

"Only six sentences? You say that like it's some sort of consolation."

This time, English Answer Man managed to contain his boogers, but just barely.

I have had many conversations similar to the one you just read. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I get angry, and others I simply break down into soft tears of frustration. Thanks to all those emotional roller coasters, I have come up with my Official Answer Man Extra Credit Policy. I will be developing this policy into an ebook at a later date, but for now, I will share the outline of my policy free of charge. Here it is:

Official Answer Man Extra Credit Policy*

 

Extra Credit Must Truly Be "Extra."

This Ain't No Buffet Line

Some teachers fall victim to buffet-style assignments. Students choose which ones they would like to do, and if they don't like one or more, they ask the cook (the teacher) to whip them up something special since they didn't like any of the other options.

I never give extra credit unless the student has completed ALL of his or her major assignments.

Make Extra Credit an Opportunity for Students to Go Above and Beyond.

If there is a legitimate opportunity for students to build upon something they are already learning, I give them that chance. Are you requiring two sources for a written assignment? Make it three, and that's extra credit. Reading a story and writing an analysis of the theme? Create a news-style video presentation in order to share ideas. It's extra. I give it credit.

 

The Opportunity Is for Everyone

It doesn't matter if the student's grade is an F or an A+. Extra credit opportunities are equal access. If I'm making a special assignment for someone who needs to bring up a failing grade, it's probably not tied to specific content, and it's probably "instead-of", buffet-style extra credit. Why would I want to deny a motivated student a chance for an extra challenge just because they have already demonstrated excellence?

There is my extra credit e-book in a nutshell:

1. Students have to complete all major assignments before attempting extra credit.
2. Extra credit needs to be tied to what I'm teaching, and it needs to be a chance to go above and beyond.
3. Extra credit opportunities are for all students 

Extra credit is neither good nor bad in and of itself. It all depends on how it is used in individual class rooms.

What do you think? Am I being fair with this extra credit policy? Am I really an over-sensitive cutlet of baby cow meat? Or maybe, teachers around the globe can save themselves large amounts of stress by adopting my three simple rules for extra credit success.

*Any comments suggesting that these rules are "simple common sense" will not be tolerated.

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