The (Violent) Origin of Christmas Vacation

A couple of nights ago, my lovely wife was reading me a bedtime story from the book The Battle for Christmas. (When a couple of book nerds hook up, they read to each other from strange books that most of the world doesn't care about).

As I drifted off to sleep, she read to me about sinister origins of the two-week Christmas vacation that teachers and students  will be enjoying this holiday season. Most everything we enjoy has a sinister origin.

Long ago, late in 16th century England, school boys decided that they needed some time off to relax, be lazy, and do whatever the heck they felt like without some stuffy schoolmaster breathing down their necks. Their solution? Lock 'em out:

"As Christmas drew near, the boys gathered together weapons, ammunition, and a store of provisions. Then one morning they seized the premises and barred the doors and windows against the master. The most important goal...was to force the schoolmaster to grant his pupils a holiday vacation."

photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/walhalla/5158645198/sizes/l/in/photostream/

And if the schoolmaster tried to break in? Well, shoot that sucker in the face! Read it in a schoolmaster's own words:

"While I was breaking in, they presently fired off 4 or 5 pistols and hurt one of my servants in the eye with the wadd...from one of the pistols."

Presumably this was before the days of Bloods, Crips, flying colors, throwing up sets, and whatever else they do in Gangland. So much for the good old days.

Thus it seems we can trace our lovely vacation back to some of the earliest instances of school violence. If you'll be enjoying some time off this holiday season, think back to the days of yore, where some of our forefathers made a courageous stand at the gates of the school.

Happy Holidays.

Share the Holiday Spirit

A little holiday wit and spirit from passiveagressivenotes.

Basketball Beatdown=Cancelled Season?

photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/alvachien/2233337261/

While the NBA players and owners are just getting things figured out for a late start to the NBA season, it looks like one amazing middle school basketball team may have their ENTIRE season cancelled.

Was it drugs? Cheating? Illegal players? Academically ineligible players?

All good guesses, but no. The answer is that Pikeville Independent Middle School dropped a 100-2 beatdown on Kimper Elementary/Middle School. Both schools were playing in a preseason tournament in Kentucky. The district is considering canceling the remainder of the Pikeville's season for "poor sportsmanship."

Pikeville took a 25-0 lead less than two minutes into the game, and even though the coach pulled the starters, Kimper managed only one basket for the entire game. Kimper had players on its team as young as 11, and Pikeville eventually blasted another school 75-32 in the championship game.

Plenty of people are saying Pikeville should have done more to stop the scoring, and that they should be punished. But I'm wondering why these teams were even playing eachother in the first place. Isn't it a bit of a contradiction to coach kids to play to the best of their ability, and then to punish them for excelling on the court?

As a player, and especially as a young player, it sends a double message. They followed the rules, and they played according to their ability. If anyone on the team should be disciplined, it should be the coach. And even then, I say the majority of the blame goes to whoever set up this mismatch in the first place.

You don't set up a match between a team with some of the top players in the state and a team with 11 year-olds. The differences in physical maturity at that age can be astounding. I think the adults could have done a lot to avoid this situation in the first place.

What do you think? Should Pikeville have their season canceled? Who should get the blame for this middle school sports massacre?

Bad Similes Make Me Smile

Smiles for Similes

For your inspiration, check out this list of "bad" similes. I must disagree, however, that these are "bad" examples of writing. Some are so horrifically stupid that they sing with smartness: ("The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while"). Others pack a poetic power punch, like #20:

"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."

If you need inspiration or a chuckle, check out the list.

Which one is your favorite?


Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/joluka/3893865769/